TOKYOMANGO

Miki Ando wins the first skating competition of the year.

This 18-year old cutie pie won the Skate America championship yesterday, beating out American Kimmie Messner and 16-year old compatriot Mao Asada (not related to Chairman Mao). She did really bad in the Torino Olympics earlier this year, placing 15th, but she's off to a shining superstar start this season.

I know, you're wondering if she's single, right? I happened to see her on some variety show this year where she confessed to having a special somebody in her life. Sorry guys, guess there won't be any triple jumps from this hottie coming your way anytime soon.

Superhero mask cell phone strappies.

Who would you pick to kick your crazy ex-boyfriend's ass? A pro wrestler, like the legendary Tiger Mask? Ultraman Seven? Kinnikuman, the favorite carnivorous klutzy cartoon hero from the 80s? Let the world know who your savior will be with these superhero mask cell phone straps. Available here for 1000 yen each.

Skinny competitive eating champ does it again.

You may remember this scrawny blond-haired Japanese man from the hot dog eating contests in Coney Island. He won the Nathans contest for six years straight, beating his own record three times. Turns out the dude can binge-eat hamburgers, too. At the Krystal Hamburger Eating Contest in Tennessee this week, Takeru Kobayashi, 28, won his third straight burger championship, eating 97 mini-burgers in 8 minutes.

I don't understand how, but he only weighs 78 kilograms. That's about 170 pounds. He either has a family of tapeworms in his tummy, or a speedy digestive system.

Announcing the Golden Poop Contest Winners...

Happy Halloween!

3 lucky winners of Lisa's Golden Poop Contest will be getting a golden-poop-in-a-baseball-mitt cell phone strap, and they are:

- thebatya, who said: "poop joins mother with daughter, brother with sister, enemy with enemy, lover with lover from generations past and future for and from eternity." Holy crap. That's deep.

- some dude, who said: "I made friends yesterday with a cabbie from England—we both get emergency poops. Except he's ok with squatting. Under I-280. In Bayview. And getting spotlighted by the SFPD." Actually, some dude, the real winner is the cabbie from England. Can we send him the golden poop please?

- the anonymous commenter who said poop tastes like chicken. How the hell did you figure that?

If you haven't already, e-mail me your address so I can send you your shit.

Japan's first abalone race leaves spectators hungry and bored.

October 21 was an important day at the Awa Museum in Tateyama. That's because the first abalone race was held there that day. Several competitive abalone--including Awabi Impact, whose name is a parody of the champion racehorse Deep Impact--were given numbers and flags, then exposed to a sudden burst of light which would make them start racing to the opposite end of the 2-meter pool. Excited spectators--mostly grandmas, as you can see in the photo--gathered to witness, but the race was so frigging slow that most of them just got hungry. You can guess what they had for dinner that night. Full story here.