(Read the first half of this story
here)
The next morning, as promised, Kayoko met us at Ebisu station at 7:23am. Adrenaline pumping, knuckles cracking (nah, not really), we speed-walked across Shinjuku station toward the Chuo Line. Traces of nervousness trickled through my system, but the presence of our brave warrior princess ally wiped them clean instantaneously. Lara and I couldn't fight to save our lives, but we were ready to knock those naggy, slutty Japanese school girls out cold with Kayoko's mighty fighting spirit.
Our savior-to-be showed no hint of emotion. We took a dramatic pause at the top of the magnificent staircase leading down to the platform. "Where are they?" She asked. Lara and I peered over the mechanically bobbing heads--dandruff-infested, combed over, pig-tailed, platinum blond-dyed, all the typical Japanese varieties--but the perfect black locks of the Terrible Triplets were nowhere to be found.
"Ummmm...They should be here..." we said, stepping down slowly into the sea of commuters--eyes scanning the crowd, hoping they wouldn't creep up and strangle us from behind with their Winnie the Pooh cell phone straps.
If they didn't strangle us, I had a pretty good idea of what could happen next. Kayoko would grab QueenBee by the ends of her loose socks and toss her against a smelly train pervert, who would seize the opportunity to pull out his hand mirror and gaze longingly up her blue kilted uniform skirt. Meanwhile, Lara and I would bonk our stunned enemies on the head with our Biology textbooks, messing up their perfect hair. Then we'd steal all their Pooh bear paraphernalia, throw them on the tracks, and watch with glee as the oncoming train crushes them to a million pieces and the girls scream with the kind of agony only a culture of obsessive collectors of trivial items could understand.
"Is that them?" Kayoko was pointing to a group of girls huddled by the stairs coming up from the underground passageway. Yes, it was! It was them! Holy shit! Lara and I unconsciously backed up behind Kayoko and did girly mini-jumps. Kayoko just ignored us and walked up to the group. The Japanese school girls stood stubbornly in their spot--the triplets lamely hiding behind their Queen, too. And doing girly mini-jumps. And saying, "Oh my gooood, look at them, they brought another friend because they're SCARED." Really loud. I wanted to smack them but I decided to let Kayoko handle it.
To those of you who waited to read the end of this story, I must apologize because the end is slightly anticlimactic. Basically, Lara and I came to the stunning realization that the Japanese school girl top dog is NOTHING compared to the American School in Japan top dog. Queen Bee was like a Pomeranian at a suburban grooming salon for chihuahuas, and Kayoko was like a Great Dane in an inner city dog run.
Pommy started yapping: What the fuck is their problem? You guys think you're tough shit? We're not scared of you. Go back to your country. Stop showing off. Yap yap yap.
Kayoko kept it simple: Don't ever fuck with these girls again, or you will be sorry.
And that's all, folks! After that, the girls never fucked with us again. To celebrate our victory,
Lara and I bought poofy pink hair feathers and a little red dog. Here's the memorial photograph.
There are two morals to this story. 1) Don't ever underestimate the power of a simple threat, and 2) Don't start shit you can't finish, unless you know someone who can finish it for you.
The end.
