TOKYOMANGO

Masanobu Sato wins masturbating event yet again (his secret: a sex toy sold @ Donki)

Meet the masturbating champion of the world, Mr. Masanobu Sato. He came to San Francisco this past weekend to defend his title of Longest Time Masturbating at the Center for Sex and Culture's annual event—and won yet again. Actually, Sato works for Tenga, the company that makes those canned vaginas that they sell at Donki. He and two other guys showed up with their products, proving that it either isn't so great or is really great, depending on how you look at it, I guess.

Image via SF Weekly (Thanks, Alex!)

Will the Japanese guy remain the masturbating champ of the world?

This Saturday is the annual Masturbate-a-thon in San Francisco—it's a group masturbation event-slash-competition-slash-fundraiser for the Center for Sex and Culture. The world record holder for "longest time spent masturbating/male" is Masanobu Sato of Tokyo. He masturbated for 9 hours and 33 minutes in 2008, and is back this year to defend his record. Every year, at least a couple guys come from Japan to compete. Anyway... the event is this Saturday, and it should be a lot of fun if anyone wants to check it out!

Masturbate-a-thon main page

Japan's pornographic fetishes in The Onion

The Onion comedically sums up Japan's unique fetishes in this fake quote in an article about "porn that makes people puke":

"We honestly had no idea people did not enjoy this stuff," said Cultural Affairs Minister Kazuhiro Nakai, expressing regret for the thousands of hours of bondage porn, rape porn, utensil-rape porn, food-rape porn, frozen-food-rape porn, vomit-enema porn, elder-care-coma-patient-rape porn, and the kind of a porn in which a nubile youth is kidnapped, stripped, tied down in a wading pool and raped. "We are deeply ashamed for whatever it is about these films that has made people around the world vomit so vigorously. Please know that the content was only intended to entertain and arouse."

Japan Pledges to Halt Production of Weirdo Porn that Makes People Puke (The Onion)

Homeless Japanese women dubbed "love hotel refugees"

Nikkan Gendai recently wrote about what they call "love hotel refugees," a subset of jobless, homeless women who sleep in love hotel rooms.This trend comes after Internet and manga cafe refugees made headlines around the world over the last few years. I met an Internet cafe refugee once. Apparently there are even "Makku" refugees—people who sleep in McDonalds.

Love hotel refugees are women and girls who hang out near love hotels looking for guys to bunk up with for the night, securing a good night's rest on the bed they paid for. (The idea is that the guys will leave after sex, and let the women use the room until checkout.)

Speaking of love hotels, a book called Love Hotels: An Inside Look at Japan's Sexual Playgrounds came out last year and gives a very comprehensive explanation of the whole phenomenon. For some beautiful photos of love hotels, check out Love Hotels: The Hidden Fantasy Rooms of Japan by Natsuo Kirino.

Related:
The most provocative love hotel rooms ever
Love hotels go public

via Tokyo Reporter

Cheesy porn about a guy who falls in love with his music teacher

If you ever wondered about cheesy Japanese porn plots, here's a pretty good one about a guy who falls in love with his Electone teacher. The video clip cuts off as she tells him to use his fingers the same way that he would touch a woman.

via Zaeega (Japanese)

Lubricant parodied after popular tea brands

This looks like it could be on the drink rack at any convenience store, but it's actually bottles of lube that parody popular bottled tea brands in Japan. The green is parodied after Ooi Ocha, but instead of Ocha it says Lotion. Ooi Lotion = Lots of Lotion. The red one, instead of Afternoon Tea, is called Afternoon Lotion. I did not actually buy any lube that day so I can't tell you whether they smell or taste like the original tea product.

Parents to blame for "Child Porn Kingdom"

Major web portals OCN and @Nifty got into trouble recently for selling ad space to Imouto Club, a web site portraying photos of girls under 15 posing in bikinis.

An article in this month's issue of Cyzo magazine discusses how common the depiction of children in sexual or semi-sexual situations is, and how most often it's the parents who push their kids to get famous this way.

"They're just after the money," says one talent agency executive. "They come here selling their kids to us because they want $1000-2000." Another source claims it's not uncommon for ordinary child actors to have had photos of them at even younger ages eating bananas in bikinis or showering with their legs wide open.

For shame, parents, for shame.

The 74-Year Old Male Porn Star

The man on the left is Shigeo Tokuda. No, he's not a retiree or a businessman. He's a porn star. The 74-year old husband and father has turned his old age and knowledge of sex and gentleman-like nature and wrinkly body into a highly marketable commodity. Today, he's one of the most well-known actors in Japan's billion-dollar porn industry. He stars in movies with titles like Forbidden Elderly Care and Maniac Training of Lolitas.

Tokuda thinks he'll be starting in porn until age 80. In an interview with Time Magazine, he says:  "People of my age generally have shame, so they are very hesitant to show their private parts. But I am proud of myself doing something they cannot."

Someone has to watch this and tell me how it is.

via Neatorama

Japan's First Soapland for Women Closes

When CC Land, Japan's first soapland for women, opened in Fukuoka in February, the ladies flew in from across the country to get their taste of paid, institutionalized sexual services from its male employees. Soaplands had been around for ages, but until then it was a men only affair. Clients would pay 30,000 yen for 90 minutes in a private room with a bed, a bathtub, and a woman who performed sexual services. Now, finally, women could do the same.

Most of CC Land's clients were thirty-somethings. There were some in their early twenties; others were well into their fifties. They came from Tokyo and Nagoya, even though Fukuoka's in the southernmost island of Kyushu. And the club's web site was getting tens of thousands of hits a day. Women were able to select their "host" for their visit on the site—though the ones in highest demand could only be booked on the spot. The employees were plucked from extant host clubs in the area. (If you don't know what a host club is, watch this documentary.) Drinks and food were provided free of charge.

CC Land was generating revenue of about 6 million yen a month, but its popularity tapered as the number of clients dropped. Unlike the men, who came week after week after week, the women seemed to just want to experience it once.

On September 28th, the owners announced that they would be closing the joint in a month. They offered a 10,000 yen discount to their customers, and made plans to reopen by year end as an escort service for men. The employees got their old jobs back as hosts at regular host clubs.

Why doesn't the soapland model work for women? Some speculate that it was because women seek a more emotional experience than men do, even from paid sexual services, and they weren't getting that here. (By contrast, the clientele at regular host clubs is booming—even though sex is in no way guaranteed at these expensive teaser joints.)

(Photo: Pink Box, Joan Sinclair)

Love Hotels Go Public

When you think of wise investments, you probably don't think of shady hotels where illegitimate couples  go to have sex. Reuters is reporting otherwise. Japan Leisure Hotels, a company that owns five love hotels across the country, is going public. Its current holdings are worth $43.68 million—it plans to expand post-IPO by luring in European investors and expanding its business 14 fold, adding about 1000 for-sex-only rooms in the next two years.

Besides the fact that love hotels are kind of gross, one has to admit that it's a thriving business. Have you ever walked around Shibuya's 100 Hotel City after 1am? It's real busy, and there are a lot more neon "Full" signs than "Vacancy" signs.

For more on some of the coolest love hotels ever, click here.

What Is This Man Doing? (WARNING: Not For Work/Children)

Don't watch this video if you're squeamish or if you're at work. Seriously! And be careful who you walk in on next time you're scanning the aisles of your favorite sex shop!

(Thanks, Rog!...I think)

Cell Phone App Tells Off Train Perverts

One of Japan's most downloaded cell phone apps is "Anti-Groping Appli," a program that subtly sends messages telling off train perverts via the cell phone screen. Since CHIKAN (gropers) are still prevalent—despite the recent crackdown and institution of women-only trains—more and more women are turning to their own defenses. By the push of the "anger" button on the screen, women can send messages like "Are you groping me?" and "Shall we go to the police?" to offenders, who are no doubt breathing down their neck while their hands wander under their skirts.

ABC News via Jezebel (Thanks, Sam!)

Blow Up Doll Photography Contest

Japan's greatest sex doll company, Orient Doll, is holding its second annual CandyGirl Photography contest right now. Entries are due by November 15—everyone who has a blow up doll from this company and knows how to angle her beautifully has a fair shot at winning the grand prize of 200,000 yen ($1700) or one of 8 1st prizes of 100,000 yen.

Last year's winner was an image of a young pink-skinned silicone princess that looks like she just got wet in the rain. Sexy.

Contest flyer (Thanks, Rog!)

 

Porn Vending Machine-Protecting Cop Shot in the Butt

Those of you who always doubted whether porn is really sold in vending machines in Japan can stop wondering now. In the news this weekend is a story of a cop who was shot in the butt while attempting to thwart a porn vending machine robbery in Fukuoka. Two guys were trying to break into the thing when the cop rolled by. In the midst of the struggle, one of the guys grabbed the cop's gun from his holster and shot him in the butt. I don't know if they got away. I don't think they got away with the porn they wanted. It must have been really expensive porn to be worth stealing from a frigging machine.

Link

Cup Noodle Parody Sex Toy For Men

Whatever you do, don't eat what's inside this deceptively delicious-looking styrofoam container. Cup Nude is actually a masturbation tool for men. Inside is not a bowl of noodles but pink jelly with a hole in the middle. More pics and deets on Patrick Macias' blog, here.

Guardian Angels Launch System for Catching Sex Traffickers

The Guardian Angels of Japan are working with cops to implement a 100,000 yen reward system for anyone who provides credible tips on how to catch sex traffickers. To date, most initiatives to combat trafficking in Japan have been pretty ineffective or not very well thought out. For this plan to work, for example, there should be measures providing tipsters with legal protection—a lot of the people involved in trafficking rings are in Japan illegally, and they won't want to speak up/claim their reward if it means that they're going to be deported.

For more about sex trafficking in Japan, you can read my February feature in Metropolis or this previous post about a trafficking victim arrested for visa violations.

Link

Hentai Anime Sex Video Game (?)

Here's a trailer to an alleged hentai sex video game. As the YouTube commenters intelligently point out, it gives you no clue as to how you play the game. But the music is good, and so are the angled shots of giant animated boobies.

Animated Bulletproof Breasts and Penis Tentacles

Check out this superbly written article by Wired senior editor and TV star Adam Rogers about xxx-rated weirdness and gender roles in Japanese animation. It starts like this:

Imagine if the centaurs in Fantasia abandoned their chaste little picnic and erupted into a wild orgy. The younger, more girlish colts might not be as into it, so they'd get tied up. Then a 1,000-foot high robot in samurai armor locked in battle with an equally huge demon that squirts fire out of tentacles shaped like penises might crash into the scene, killing all the centaurs.

This article was actually written a decade ago—I found it while surfing the web for blog ideas. I work with Adam at Wired, but had no idea he was an anime/sex/gender expert. (Now he has a wife and a baby and edits stories about science, politics, and law enforcement.) The guy's full of surprises! Just goes to show that you just never know where your editors have been—or what they've been imagining.

 

Read the article

Japanese Sex Worker Job App from 1921 Found in China

An antique collector in northern China found this piece of paper in a porcelain vase he purchased a few years ago—an application filled out by a 21-year old Japanese woman to get hired as a prostitute in Tianjin. Dated March 1921, the application clearly indicates her name, nationality, age, and reason for seeking employment: poverty. It's accompanied by a photo.

Between 1912 and 1949, prostitution was legal in parts of China, and many applicants—domestic and from overseas—applied for work there.

Interesting!

Link

The Results Are In: The Japanese Have Crappy Sex

A French public radio station did a survey of 26 countries based on their sexual prowess and satisfaction. The results? Japan came in last! Here are some figures for perspective:

The average Greek has sex 164 times a year.
The average Indian has sex 130 times a year.
The average Chinese has sex 122 times a year.
The average Japanese has sex 48 times a year.

67% of Nigerians said they were satisfied with their sex life.
15% of Japanese said the same.

I have some theories for why: 1. I think there are a lot of virgins in Japan. That could definitely skew the national average. 2. If you're a virgin, you're likely not satisfied with your sex life.

Link (Japanese)

Sex Doll Company President And His Bitches

Meet Hideo Tsuchiya, the president of Japan's oldest and most prestigious sex doll company, Orient Doll. Or don't meet him. I almost did a story about this, and I'm personally kind of glad I didn't meet him, judging from the way he has his hand on the silicone chick's lap.

Read more about Orient Doll here.

Train Pervert Captured Fleeing on Camera

Check out this photo series of a citizen/police cooperative train pervert chase taken by a photographer who just happened to be strolling along in Tokyo Station on a weekday morning. The guy running is one of Japan's many infamous CHIKAN, or train perverts, who inconspicuously grope commuters in uncomfortable, oddly sexual ways while everybody else minds their own business. For the longest time, this problem continued relatively unreported and untreated, but in recent years the train authorities have cracked down by having women-only trains and reporting guidelines that would protect the women from shame.

Although the photos--from the photographer's Flickr set--come with relatively little explanation, this is how I envision that the whole thing happened:

1. Homeboy grabbed the woman's crotch on a train.
2. The woman yelled "CHIKAN!"
3. The train arrived at Tokyo station, and Mr. Perv fleed.
4. Seeing the fleeing Perv, the Businessman with the Determined Look sticks his foot out to trip the suspect.
5. Train cops arrive at the scene and whisk Perv away to face his punishment.

(via Dr. Rogg)

LoveHoMap.Com

Check out this wonderful new resource for finding love hotels in Japan. It's called LoveHoMap.com. Easy to remember, right? It lists these sexy rest spots by neighborhood (you're looking at Shibuya above) and has links to each hotel's web site on the key below. It's in Japanese only, so you'll have to know the characters for the neighborhoods at the very least, but what the hell. You could just go random clicking, and you're sure to find a place to stay with free condoms, porn, and accessories.

LoveHoMap.com (via Zaeega)

My Sexual Harassment, Part III

This medley of awkward moments in boys love comics features several man-on-man anime couples who are about to make out for the first time. The first clip is called "My Sexual Harassment, Part III." The submissive boy (because there's always one submissive, and one dominant) is saying, "yes, i bring pajamas on overnight trips because I'm too skinny for hotel robes, and besides, I move around a lot in my sleep..." and then the bigger, dominant guy throws off his robe, revealing his full nude. "Mochizuki, come!" He commands. "....yes..." Submissive Boy says as the romantic mood music kicks in.

I know you're thinking, I'm not into gay comic books! But whatever. It's an important part of Japanese pop culture in 2007, and the least you can do is check out this clip.

Rent-A-Blow Up Doll

Blow-up dolls cost up to $5,000 a head, and not everyone wants one to keep at home. Sometimes, you just need a quickie. That's why there are an increasing number of businesses in Japan that pimp them out to clients the same way the human sex industry. In the blow-up doll escort service industry, the mannequins-for-hire are put into golf bags and brought to your house for a fee of about 5000 yen an hour. Or, you could have a romantic long weekend with it for about 35,000 yen. ($300) Not much more than a rental car, and much cheaper than buying your own blow-up doll. And if you don't want the doll to find out where you live, you could go to a "love doll rental room," which can also be rented by the hour for about 9,000 yen an hour.

Yeah, I know. Borrowing a used blow-up doll is pretty nasty. It reminds me of the time a bunch of the guys in my high school bought this pink rubbery masturbation tool called "my friend" and passed it around.

These days, blow-up dolls are super high-tech, made of soft vinyl, urethane, and silicone to make them feel like real women. Except, unlike real women, these ladies never complain. My two cents? If you're into this stuff, buy your own.

Link

It's Porn!

Thanks to reader comments and links, I figured out what this mass orgy was all about! It's porn! You can buy the video here (Japan only), or download it here.

Orchestrated by a small porn production company in an effort to bring sales back up, the video brings 250 young porn actresses from all over the country into one room. They're paired with a dude they've met for the first time, and then follow director's orders to fuck like animals in a breeding farm.

Is it just me, or is this not that sexy?

A Hundred Couples Having Sex In One Room

You'll never believe what happens next. All these young, pretty women take off their clothes, get paired up with a man, and start having perfectly synced sex on the mattresses they're standing on. I don't know what to call it. X-rated fascism? Is it a cult? A scientific experiment? A hands-on sex ed class? A piece of art?

My guess is the latter.

Link

Candy That Makes You Better In Bed

Candy can make you horny, but what's the use if you can't deliver the goods? This candy claims to make you better in bed. It's recommended for people who find sex boring, or who find that it ends too quickly. See how exasperated the guy in the picture looks? If that's you, then you need to get this.

Virgins Speak Out Against Virginity

Some funny quotes from the president of a self-proclaimed male virgin club, the Japan Cherry Boys Association, on the club's decision to forcefully give up celibacy:

We can't depend on the government for everything. We virgins have got to stand up once again and do our bit for the country by tackling the birthrate problem.

Love today is all something manufactured by the capitalist society. You've got 'clothes for the popular guy' and 'stores for the popular guy' everywhere, but for guys like me who hate spending money, the capitalist society labels us as 'guys who can't get love'. There's no way I'm gonna get suckered into that lifestyle.

First and foremost, we study. To make sure we have an anatomical background of women, we all draw pictures of female genitalia and critique them. We had one guy who just drew a straight line and said, 'I'm finished.' That's how little we all know.

He also claims that 10% of Japanese men between the ages of 40 and 45 are virgins.

Link

Housewives Buy Gay Boys In Bangkok

Okay, Yaoi is one thing, but you know the gay boy fetish has gone too far when Japanese women start flying to Thailand to frequent go-go bars there. Apparently, it's the new trend for young housewives bored out of their minds to head out to Bangkok's gay bars in pairs and bring go-go boys home to their hotels and pay them to fuss over them and treat them like princesses.

Link

New Restaurant Features Sexy Strippers Dressed Like Office Ladies

Here's something you could do if you're bored on a Friday night and need food and fun. OL Shabu Shabu Shomuni is a shabu shabu restaurant that just opened in November, and it serves more than just boiled beef and vegetables. The waitresses are all dressed like Office Ladies, and are required to strip down to the nude and then put on a slutty outfit at request, while you eat out of their hands. Yes, their hands! No chopsticks here.

Keep reading for more pics of the Corporate Stripper Waitresses and an explanation of Office Lady...

Canadian Japanese Porn Star Maria Ozawa

This hot 21-year old girl looks innocent enough, but she's actually a hard core porn actress. She grew up a lot like me, going to international schools in Tokyo. (Actually, she went to the Christian Academy of Japan. They used to kick our ass in volleyball.) But while I spend most of my day in front of my MacBook writing stuff, she is shooting movies with titles like "Temptation Erotic Fuck" and "Share a 24 Hours Full of Sex With Maria!"

If you read Japanese, here's her blog. If you don't, you can still watch her titillating promo video. Or, if you want to see her in the full nude doing hard core videos, then Google her. What, did you really think I'd link you to porn on my pure, unadulterated blog?

The Most Provocative Love Hotel Rooms Ever

School girl fantasies pervade every culture, but there's something about the sailor uniform that makes boys go wild. This room replicates a typical Japanese public high school classroom. Notice how the clock is set to 3:40 p.m., right around the time when most students have left the building and you can have your horny after-school detention student all to yourself.

Check out this and other commentary on awesomely fetishistic love hotel rooms in this Wired News article by yours truly .

Fantasy Love Hotels [Wired]

Vagina book is the new Akiba bestseller.

You just never know what Akiba geeks will get obsessed with next. First it's robots. Then it's Gundam. Then it's PDAs. Now it's medical books about female genitalia. That's right, the newest craze is over a book called "A Guide to Pain and the Female Reproductive System," which, on the streets, is simply referred to as "the vagina book."

Why a bunch of nerdy guys who have probably never touched a woman--never mind experienced reproductive pain--would be placing orders at geeky Akiba bookstores for the already-sold-out, 12-page, 1,900 yen medical guide book is totally beyond me.

"We started selling it in September and news spread over the web, which sent sales skyrocketing. Salarymen in their 20s and 30s are buying most of the copies. But I still have absolutely no idea why it's selling so well," says a bookstore keeper.

One brave 30-something year old salaryman shared his thoughts with us. He says:

I thought I'd buy it to give me some help seducing any women I could bring back to my home.

IF you ever bring a woman home, that is. Good luck to you Mr. Salaryman.

Full story here.

Automatic sex machine imported from Korea.

It seems the Koreans have taken the first step towards ensuring gender equality in Japan. The invention and export of 120 automatic sex machines to Japanese love hotels is finally giving women--many of whom claim never to have had an orgasm before--the chance to seek their own pleasure zones. Called The Dream Love Chair, the device is actually a set of two seating areas, one that thrusts and another that rotates at 10 different speeds. It's height-and incline-adjustable, too. A Korean robotics professor experimented with 100 couples to perfect this thing. He and the Japanese distributor, a company called AD-D, claim the biggest benefit is that it minimizes pelvic grinding. Obviously, they're guys.

Thank you Korea! We kick your ass in many things but you definitely beat us to the punch on this one.

SJM seeking SWM to be sexy temporary girlfriend--Update.

Hahahaha.

Keiko updated her site yesterday, after I blogged about her:

"Hello everyone! Thank you everyone for sending so many emails to me. So many emails! So many yummy guys! I am trying to write and say hello to everyone, but it takes so long. I will possibly have lots of sex for a long time! Yay!"

Some dude even wrote her a song!

Dear Mr. Songwriter,
Nice song! But remember. This chick is smart! At least in theory. She goes to University of Tokyo. Don't you think she wants a little bit more uh...substance? What do you think she is, shallow?

SJM seeking SWM to be sexy temporary girlfriend.

This is Keiko. I don't know her, but I know that she loves sex with good-looking white men under 35, because her web site is an open invitation to all those who fit this category to come stay with her on their next visit to Tokyo.

Keiko is a free spirit: "My parents pay my apartment - and I can do anything because I am living alone. What else do I like? Yes, I like sex! Yummy yummy"

But she has standards: "YOU MUST BE UNDER 35 (I don’t want to have any men that are too older then 35 years old – I do not want my father!) ALSO, YOU MUST BE GOOD LOOKING AND BE WHITE – I LOVE WHITE GUYS. Yay! (^_^)"

Your Japanese love nest could look like this:  ---->

All you have to do is visit her home page and scroll down for her contact info.

Sex, dares, and the truth we discovered after school, part 2

(Sorry. I fell asleep after dinner last night. Here's the continuation of this story.)

Kyoko didn't run up to fulfill her dare like we expected. Instead, she stood under a tree, holding her stomach, looking like she was about to cry. Her friend patted her shoulder sympathetically.

Had we done something wrong? Was she feeling sick? Was Truth or Dare an inherently evil game that reared its ugly head via this seemingly benign question? I glanced over at Derek. The 12-year old hunk was eagerly climbing the jungle gym in his gray sweatpants. He's so hot, I thought to myself.

Not sure exactly what to do with this awkward situation we'd inadvertently created, we sent a representative over to assess. The rest of us followed, forming a circle around the two Japanese school girls, feigning compassion when all we were was curious.

"Hey, what's wrong?" we asked.

Kyoko was too shook up to talk, so her friend--who will remain anonymous because I don't remember anything about her except that she said this--explained in a desperate whisper: "Kyoko isn't sure if she can hug Derek right now because she's scared she might get pregnant. She has her period!"

OK. So even though most of us hadn't even gotten our first periods yet, we all knew from sex-ed class that this was ridiculous. But we managed to keep those artificial concerned looks on our faces as we gently explained that the chances of getting knocked up from a fully clothed hug while menstruating were pretty slim. Meanwhile, one of our delegates headed over to the jungle gym and brought Derek over so he could give Kyoko a sympathy hug for being so ignorant.

Why do I tell this story? Because this was the first time I encountered the extreme lack of sex education and information in the Japanese school system. I think this is related to why Japanese men would rather buy panties from a vending machine than get laid and why abortion is the number two method of birth control. Of course, Japan's not the only place where this is a problem. (And by this, I mean sex education, not panty vending machines--I think the latter is uniquely Japanese.) It's not like Bush's abstinence campaign is any better.

In closing, I dedicate this story to Mr. Green and Mrs. Clevenger, who armed us with the tools to empower one Japanese school girl to just drop her fears and hug.

Sex, dares, and the truth we discovered after school

The first time I saw a condom was in 4th grade. Mr. Green and Mrs. Clevenger took it gently out of its wrapper and let us play with it. Maybe they even put it on a banana, I don't remember. But I do know that we were aware of how babies are made by the time we were 12 years old and compulsively playing Truth or Dare in Arisugawa Park after school.

Truth or Dare was a good game, because you got to tell boys you liked them without feeling accountable for the admission, and because sometimes, you even got to hug them. There were always about 6 girls and 2 boys (usually Derek, a tall flirty Brit, and Masa, whom everyone called "papa") from my class, plus a couple of girls from a prestigious nearby Japanese middle school who joined us for the thrill. They were a couple years older, maybe 15 years old. One of the girls was named Kyoko,* and one day, it was Kyoko's turn to take a dare.

"Truth or dare." we said.

"Dare."

Since she wasn't one of us, we thought we'd keep it simple. "Kyoko, I dare you to hug Derek!" we said. What Kyoko said next shocked us all.

(To be continued after I eat my dinner...)

*Name has been changed for privacy purposes, and because I can't freaking remember her name.  Oh, and I found this pretty photo of  our beloved park here.

Too excited over the Korean baseball player?

Alas, the professional pervert trend has infiltrated the media. Masashi Funakoshi, the chief announcer of Nippon Television, was demoted for sexually harassing a female reporter sitting next to him while they were broadcasting a Giants game. Who can blame him? Maybe he just got too excited when Lee Seung Yeop hit a home run. Did I tell you how out of control the Korean boy craze in Japan has become?

Interview with 3 professional perverts

The pee pee policeman is not the only recently accused professional pervert. In the newspapers today, there were more reports on men you'd think you could trust violating innocent school girls. Despite the horrendous allegations, I think they deserve to speak for themselves. So I interviewed three of these now infamous dudes on Skype today:

LK: Who are you?
PP: I'm a renowned economist.
LK: What do you like to do?
PP: I like to look up girls' skirts with my secret weapon--handheld mirror!--in crowded trains. I was arrested for groping today, but I was able to discreetly hide my mirror in my pants before they confiscated it.

LK: Who are you?
PP: I'm an opthamologist.
LK: What put you in the headlines today?
PP: They say I paid a teenager to have sex with me. But they're lying. I just paid her as a contract model for my photography career.
LK: I thought you were a doctor.
PP: A doctor-slash-underage nude photographer. What's wrong with that?

LK: Who are you?
PP: I'm a kind, gentle 1st grade teacher.
LK: Hey, what happened to that 25,000 yen you collected for the school field trip last spring? The kids were complaining that they never got to go to the zoo.
PP: You know, I can't remember. Fell out of my pocket, maybe? I know it wasn't to pay a broke school girl I met on a phone sex service...what? You read that in the paper? That's just bullshit. The newspapers are full of shit.